Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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