you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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