Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize