He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
