i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
