just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
