FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
