So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You are the jesus of drinking
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