Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
