When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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