Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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