some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
