just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
