Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
