He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
