Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
