It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
