he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
