All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
