His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
