I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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