is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
