You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
