just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
