Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
