DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
