I can feel you judging me through the phone.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
