just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
