Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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