How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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