just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
