I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
