I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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