the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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