Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
