I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
and you fell through a lawn chair
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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