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I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
