dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
