i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
