Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
