oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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