she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
