my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
