The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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