Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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