sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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