based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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