3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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