In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
