Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
