Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize