He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
false alarm. still invincible.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize