People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
