Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So much Jack, so little girl.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
