i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
