You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize