I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
