o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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