You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I could fuck to npr.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize