what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize