why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize