So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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