i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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