So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
