Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
